Not how it was supposed to be
by Maja16
Summary: Stella's waiting for Mac to get home but ... Sorry I really suck at summaries


_Ok here we go, my new story. Smacked obviously:) Since I really suck at summaries you'll just have to read it but I can promise you it's gonna be a good read:) At least I hope so:)_

_Author's note: I don't own anything, obviously, cos if I did Mac and Stella would be together:)_

_Big Thanks to Tiff who went throuh this and corrected my mistakes and helped me to make some things better:) So big THANKS Tiff, LOVE ya;)_

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Not how it was supposed to be

I was getting a bit angry. He said he would be home 2 hours ago. After all he was the one who insisted on having dinner together. And here I was waiting for him for almost 2 hours, sitting behind the set table, dinner already cold. He even didn't bother to call and let me know he was going to be late. _This better be something really important Mac. _

5 minutes later I heard a soft knock on the door. "Well it was about time Taylor!" I called, heading for the door to open it. "What the hell …" I stopped as I saw Flack standing there. _Not the one I expected._ "Oh Flack." I smiled, my face little redder than usual. "Sorry, I thought it was Mac. Do you know where he is? He was supposed to be here two hours ago and I…" I stopped as I saw the look on Flack's face. No expression at all, he was quiet the whole time I spoke avoiding looking at me, looking on the ground instead.

"Flack?" I asked little concerned but he didn't answer me.

"Flack?! What happened? Where's Mac?" I asked fear already overcoming me. And again no answer, not even a look.

"Flack!" I raised my voice a bit and then I saw it: Small blood drops on the collar of his white shirt. This wasn't good.

"Flack talk to me," I said, my own voice betraying me. I knew something was wrong, something was very wrong. This wasn't Flack as I knew him, the funny guy always telling jokes and making others feel good. No this was somebody else. Somebody who was really scared and that made me scared too. I knew there was something he wanted to say but didn't know how.

"Where's Mac?" Raising my voice again I demanded the answer.

"He's at Angels of Mercy."

Oh god no! My worst fears came true. _Mac, Angels of Mercy, hospital…_ echoed in my ears. My whole body was shaking, shaking with the fear as I slid down the wall embracing my knees. My head filling with the different thoughts but each of them were about Mac.

"What…what happened?" My eyes were filling with tears and my voice was shaky

"We were arresting a suspect when one of his accomplices showed up and there was a shootout. He injured two other cops and shot Mac twice in the chest," he said as he sat next to me, putting a comforting arm around me.

There was a silence for a while, both of us thinking. "I… I need to see him." My voice was still shaky.

"I'll take you there," he said helping me up and lead me into his car which was parked outside our apartment.

The ride into the hospital was spent in silence, Flack concentrating on the road in front of him, lost in his own thoughts and me staring out of the window, different scenarios playing in my head.

_Oh god this can't be happening. It's all just a bad dream and when I wake up everything's gonna be fine, __Mac will be lying next to me and we will spend another wonderful day together, talking, laughing, kissing. _But no, this wasn't a dream it was all real. _Why Mac? Why him? _Questions were running through my mind. _He can't die. I need him. No he won't die. He's Mac Taylor, THE Mac Taylor, a former marine. He just can't die. _I was more like assuring myself than fearing the worst, tears filling my eyes. _No, I won't cry! I have to be strong for Mac; for the team._

"Stel, we're here." I was dragged out off my thoughts by Flack announcing me we were here.

I saw the sign "Hospital" as I looked out of the window. People were running in and out through the main entrance. Taking a deep breath I stepped outside the car with Flack holding the door for me.

_I have to be strong for Mac._

The hallway was crowded with people demanding answers about their loved ones and nurses trying to calm them down, saying it would be all right, and I can tell you I understood them all too well. I knew what they were going through and that they were scared because I was really scared myself; my heart was pounding as if it was going to jump right out of my chest any time soon. I could see the whole team including Adam and Sid as we came into the waiting room which was surprisingly empty. They all looked tired and really worried; after all it was their boss and a good friend who was being shot and his life was now in the hands of doctors. All they could do now was wait; wait for any kind of information about his condition. All _I_ could do was wait.

And I hated it.

I was never very patient which is kinda weird as it's required to have this ability while doing the job I do and Mac would remind me that every once in a while, but hey, even with the lack of patience I could do my job and I was really good at it. But now it was something completely different; in a situation like this I think even a patient person would be impatient.

"How is he?" I asked no one in particular as we came in and the door closed behind us. There was silence for a while, everyone looking around, thinking of who should be the one to tell me. It was Sheldon who finally did.

"We don't know yet," he started, his voice calm. "They brought him in 2 hours ago and he's still in surgery. No one came in to tell us anything yet," he continued, trying to sound optimistic, but I knew it wasn't good. I could tell that by the way he spoke and the way he was looking at me; an apologetic look, sadness and understanding in his eyes. "I'm sorry," he then added.

_Oh God_ _this is not good. _I felt my knees tremble again so I sat down, avoiding loosing the balance, Flack sitting next to me. I was once again waiting though I'd rather wait for him to get home, even though he would be late. It was better than waiting here in this uncomfortable chair, waiting for any information about him because that information might not be good, which I prayed would be good.

2 hours later a man in white coat came in introducing himself as Doctor Sheppard.

"How is he?" I jumped up causing, Flack to twitch as I was leaning against him.

He looked at me and I knew it. His eyes were telling it all.

_God no! No Mac! Please no Mac! _My eyes filling with tears, I sank to the ground crying, Flack right next to me comforting me.

"I'm really sorry. We did everything we could but one of the bullets hit his lung causing massive internal bleeding and we weren't able to fix it. I'm really sorry."

"NO!" I was screaming as loud as my throat would allow me to, which caused everyone that was around me to look at me. "NO, if you did everything Mac would still be here." I was crying, my body shivering with anger, fear and helplessness.

"Stel…" Flack was trying to calm me down, tightening the hug.

"No... No…" I was only whispering now, unable to speak any louder, crying into Flack's shoulder, holding him tightly.

Lindsay was crying too with Danny trying to comfort her, tears filling his eyes as well, the other boys had tears in their eyes too. It was not only me who just lost the person I cared about; we all lost him.

After 10 minutes of instant crying I was able to calm down a bit, crying changed into sobs. "I… I need to see him," I spoke between sobs.

"Of course. A nurse will take you to the room he's in," I heard the doctor say, and then I realized he was there the whole time.

…

I entered the room he was in and my eyes were filling with tears once again as I saw his motionless body. He was so pale.

"Why did you leave me Mac? What am I going to do without you?" I asked him, more rather to myself as I sat down next to him, taking his hand in mine; it was still warm. "How am I supposed to live without you? You were my strength Mac. You were always there for me when I needed someone to talk to or just to be with someone." I was crying again, squeezing his hand in mine. The man I loved, my only love was gone. I would never see his smile again, his gorgeous eyes which I could look into for hours. I would never feel his touch again, his kisses full of love and hear his comforting words. I was left alone. "Good bye Mac. Say hello to Claire for me," I said, kissing his check softly, and then sat there holding his hand, not wanting to go away, not wanting to lose him forever.

THE END

_Like it hate it??? Wanna smack me for killing Mac??? :) Let me know what you think about this one??? I'll be waiting for any kind of comments:)_

_I was thinking about making this more then one chapter thingy but I'm not quite sure. I was thinking about writing more chapters which would be Stella's memories more like flashbacks but that's just something that came into my mind. What do you think??? But I didn't really start working on it and honestly I don't have time for that now:( too much school work. Anyway I can't wait to read your comments so don't let me down;)_


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